WHY WOMEN STAY IN BATTERING RELATIONSHIPS

1. Economic dependence: "who will support me and the children?" Lack of training, skills and not wanting to go on welfare.

2. Parenting "a crazy father is still better than no father at all" Fear of up-rooting the children.

3. Religious and family pressure to keep the family together.

4. Security: Fear of being alone and that she cannot cope with the children and home by herself.

5. Loyalty: "he's the sick one. If he had a broken leg or cancer I would stay with him- this is no different"

6. Pity: "he's so much worse off than I am"

7. Savior complex: "if I stay, I can help him get better"

8. Fear of suicide: "he says he'll kill himself if I leave"

9. Denial: "it's really not that bad"

10. Responsibility: Many people feel it is the wife's responsibility to keep the marriage together emotionally and the husband's responsibility is only financial. She believes it.

11. Love: "I love him. When he is not being abusive, he is quite loving and lovable" Ambivalence: love and hate. Time: invested in the relationship.

12. Duty: " I said I'd stay married to him 'til death do us part' "

13. Guilt: He says the marital problems are her fault and that she caused his problems. She believes him. Society blames the victim. Society sees it as her failure to meet his needs.

14. Shame, embarrassment, humiliation: "I don't want anyone to know"

15. Identity: Many women need a man to feel complete. Women are taught to rely on men for their self-worth and to seek identity through a relationship.

16. Optimism: " Things will get better"

17. Low self-esteem: "It must be my fault. I must deserve it. I'll never find anyone better. A little love is better than no love at all"

18. Survival: He has threatened to follow her if she ever leaves and kill her and/or her children.

19. Learned helplessness: The feeling of passivity and paralysis which begin when a woman is battered are re-enforced by the response of family, friends and helping professional who ignore the problem and don't believe it really happened and/or blame the woman.

20. Stockholm Phenomenon: When hostages are held for a period of time by their captors, they begin to identify with the captor. The syndrome is manifested by many battered women who are literally held hostage by their husbands/boyfriends.

21. When a person lives in unending terror/stress, their ability to resist gets worn away. They become confused, exhausted and lack the energy needed to make changes.

22. Nowhere to go. Fear is a tremendous control.